Please find below the
Two big suggestions: 1) Create much more appealing graphic elements. Yours scream “schmaltzy, cheap, disposable, trash.” These visuals are a key component of your presentation. They represent you, your brand! 2) Dramatically refine your summary. It is much, much too vague. I have no idea what you’re talking about until I get to the section with the annoying visuals. This idea sounds peculiar and odd: “Much of our efficacy derives from the “Meemoes” we base ourselves upon. Meemoes used to be invisible till pollution got in their hair. They’re the voice people hear which they think is their conscience, someone calling them or a special friend.” Have you tested it with target customers or investors? Watch for the incomplete thought in the Team section: “We’ll acquire more people as growth necessitates. In addition” (nothing else ??) Wow! Sticker shock at the projected costs.
The basic strategies of working with normative impulses and aligning with market dynamics are coherent, and the emphasis on kids and early education is great, but the proposal comes across as vague, despite its length, in part because the popularity of the toy is an article of faith.
I think this idea has a lot of merit. It is pretty innovative and seems appealing to a number of demographics. I would be interested to hear how they plan on manufacturing these cards and toys, and about the tests they've already done in schools.
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